If there’s no such thing as a dumb question, why do we so often feel paralyzed with fear to ask them?

For me, I think it’s often caused by one of two things: a fear of being told no or a fear of being proven that I wasn’t listening. So let’s analyze the first fear of asking questions and see if there’s any way to overcome it.

A Fear of Being Told No
I’m confident I know when this fear started. Second grade.

How many times do you wish you had asked a question because it would have benefited you? It could be asking someone on a date, asking for a raise or asking for a discount at the store. For whatever reason, we clam up, don’t think we’re worth it or figure they’re trained to say no. But how do you know if you never ask?

True story
It took me approximately six months to convince my wife to go out with me.

a.k.a. I was told no more than once.

#worthit

Another true story
When buying my wife a new coat, I found a local shop and half-jokingly asked, “Any chance there’s a 20% discount for people shopping here for the first time?” He smiled and said yes, in fact, there was.

#moneyinthebank

But what if I had been told no? Did that thought cross my mind? Absolutely.

How to work through it
In his book, Quitter, Jon Acuff talks about how quickly we can let our fears spiral out of control. Like, if I ask this person out and she says no, she’ll probably post about it on facebook and every friend of mine will ridicule me and think I’m a loser for getting shot down, so they won’t ever ask me to hang out with them again because I’ll be that desperate guy that’s always hitting on their friends and then I’ll be ostracized and have no friends so I’ll sit at home on Friday nights trying to make creative memes with kittens.

Wow. That escalated quickly, huh? But it’s true. We so quickly draw out worse-than-worst-case-scenarios and let them stick with us. In reality, those things only happen in romantic comedies (which aren’t reality…).

So let’s take a deep breath and analyze this rationally.

If I asked someone out and they said no, one of two things are likely to happen.
1. It might be a little awkward the next time I see them, but I’ll live and that’ll pass.
Or
2. I’ll give it time and keep wearing them down (see: true story #1 above).

Either way, life isn’t going to end.

I won’t be subjected to making witty kitty memes for the rest of my days.

But the big stuff…
Touché. If you’re going to ask for something serious, like a raise, that half-joking question to a sales clerk won’t cut it. You have to do your homework. Have reasoning behind your ask. Serious questions require serious thought. You have to be earnest in your preparation. But even if the answer is no, it’s important to keep our imaginations in check.

Really think through the “consequences” logically and try to debunk that fear that’s holding you back.

There is a freedom that comes with knowing your world isn’t going to end by being told no. Egos will get bruised. Dreams might be crushed (see: American Idol). But in my own experience, it’s always been more liberating to ask the question and know than to always wonder “what if…”

We’ll analyze the second fear in another post, but until next time…have you found yourself overcoming the hesitation to ask a question? What was the result? Let me know in the comments below!