Tag: self-improvement

02/03/2015

Why We Don’t Ask Questions – Pt 2

A couple of weeks ago, we discussed the notion that being told “no” creates a personal fear when asking questions and also looked at how to dispel that fear.

Today, I wanted to address a second cause that keeps us from speaking up: not listening.

Earth to Me
Do you ever find yourself in a situation and realize you completely zoned out? You know you missed something, but you’re too embarrassed to ask?

Me too.

The problem in this situation is that there’s no great way around it. I can try to piece together what I missed based on context clues, but do I really want to ask that question and look like a fool? Nope. I’m just going to keep my mouth shut, thank you very much.

Tune In. Listen Up.
If you’ve ever heard the phrase “active listening”, this is really what it takes.

I understand that meetings get long, professors can be boring and that guy that just walked by the window looked eerily similar to Lenny Kravitz…but he didn’t have a jean jacket on so that couldn’t have been him…wait, did someone just say my name? Dang it…

Personally, I find my listening skills directly conflict with my ego. As in, “I already know what she’s talking about”, so I don’t really need to listen. Or, “His jokes are so lame”, so I would have said it this way. And then, “I can’t wait to share my two cents because it’s the only thing I’ve thought about since we all sat down”, so I missed someone sharing that same opinion already.

It can become so easy to focus on “me” in social situations that active listening ceases to exist. I have to put my own agenda aside and work on giving my full attention to whoever is speaking.

Put my phone away.

Make eye contact.

Nod in agreement.

Take notes – which includes writing down questions, so I don’t focus on my question and stop listening.

Be Interested, Not Interesting.
In his book “How To Win Friends and Influence People”, Dale Carnegie talks about the importance of “being interested, not interesting”.

One of the most basic elements of being human is a desire to be known. Whether that’s by one really good friend or a group of peers, we at least owe it to each other to listen. It shows that we’re interested in them, shows them respect and affirms the fact that they have self-worth.

Will we always be perfect? No, but but that gives us something to work on.

Does that mean we always have to agree with someone and bottle our own opinions? Definitely not. But as much as we want to share our own stance on a subject, so does someone else. Let that create a dialogue.

Going to Level 3
In college, I took a class on consumer marketing where the bulk of our discussion revolved around Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. One thing I’ve always remembered was the professor’s insistence on being able to ask “Level 3” questions. Meaning, ask questions that are personal and allow someone to share their expertise or a cherished memory. It’s something that has stuck with me to this day, and I try to practice it when I can. It shows that I’m interested, and you can oftentimes see a visible change in that person’s demeanor.

So if I’m honest with myself, the real reason I typically don’t ask questions is because I’m either over thinking it (Pt 1) or not actively listening. If I can work through both of those, questions should become an opportunity for personal, professional and relational growth. So let’s ask away!

01/05/2015

Using a Zero Balance Budget + A Free Download

Do you make a budget for your monthly spending? Or does that thought suddenly remind you that you need to go clean the kitchen grout?

Photo by Waag Society

While it’s definitely not fun, planning where and how you’ll spend your money is probably the most fundamental element of being disciplined with your spending (and adding a little self-discipline to our lives is what we’re all about here!). So what’s the best way to make a budget? Mathematically speaking, a zero balance budget will make sure that you have a plan for every dollar you earn.

Here’s how it works:

Start with your monthly take-home pay at the top of a page.
Write down every expense you’ll have that month. First, the necessities: rent, utilities, groceries, debts, etc. Then move on to the extras: savings, new clothes, eating out, Starbucks…
Plan every dollar until you have $0 left.

For only a three step process, it’s kind of crazy that budgeting gets so much resistance, isn’t it?

Maybe it’s because people don’t like doing math on paper – it’s feels so 3rd grade, right? But I’m the same way, that’s why I made this downloadable budget spreadsheet to do the work for me.

A few things to note:

Cell names are totally customizable – I tried to be thorough but realize it’s not all-encompassing.
If you don’t have access to Microsoft Excel, I’ve uploaded the spreadsheet to Google Docs, so you can access it by signing into a Gmail account.
If you accidentally delete a function, feel free to come on back and re-download.

Here’s the important part:

Once you’ve filled out the spreadsheet, give your keyboard the ‘ol “Ctrl + P” to send that bad boy to the printer and make yourself a hard copy!

It’ll be tangible. Real. You’ll literally have to throw your budget away if you don’t want to reference it the rest of the month! The goal is to have a plan for your money, so when some sort of temptation or “great deal” crosses your path, you can honestly tell the salesman, “Sorry, my budget’s already set for the month” and walk away.

Try it for a month. See what you think.

We’ll discuss further benefits of having a budget at another time, so until then…

Do you have budgeting questions or tips you’d like to share? I’d love to hear them! Please leave a comment below.

12/17/2014

Keeping an Eye on the Competition

Photo by garryknight

Brands change their packaging: “New look. Same great taste!”

Companies change their tag lines: “Have it Your Way” became “Be Your Way”.

And grocery stores improve their customer experience.

Huh?

Within walking distance of my place, there were two major grocery stores for people to choose from. Harris Teeter was the higher-end, upscale option and Food Lion was the more affordable, save-some-cents-with-us chain. Then the plot thickened.

Suddenly, Harris Teeter starts doing around the clock remodels to their store that (in my opinion) looked just fine. About a week into the remodel, I get a piece of mail announcing the grand opening of a Publix grocery store…right across the street from Harris Teeter. Now the renovations made sense; they’ve got to keep up with Joneses.

But was adding an olive bar, a fresh-made pizza station and some new doors in the dairy section really necessary to maintain clientele? We would see…

So Publix opens; my wife and I go check it out. There are taste tests comparing Publix brand to Harris Teeter brand, free samples of practically everything and (most notably) every employee in the store strikes up a conversation with us. At check out, the guy bagging our groceries shares his whole story of moving to Charlotte from Boston (because I told him I recently moved to Charlotte).

It felt so odd.

People at grocery store don’t make conversation like that (at least not in my experience). They don’t check in with you every time they pass you in the aisle. Publix wanted to be different. But I wasn’t the only one to notice.

The next time I went to Harris Teeter? Their check-out folks all of a sudden became super friendly and eager to start conversations. And Food Lion? Albeit a little delayed, began their own remodeling. This was a local arms race for customers!

I know that making strategic shifts based on the competition happens every day, but I can’t say that I had ever consciously experienced it on such a micro level. Each chain became hyper-aware of the experience they were giving customers because of the new kid in town.

So what is there to take away from this? Have you recently taken the time to consider best-practices of your competition? Is there anything you can learn from them to take into the new year instead of insisting you’re superior in every way? It doesn’t have to change the core business, but it might not hurt to do a little introspection for course correction.