Many times, our default question for conversation is “What’s next?” or some variation of it — we have a natural tendency to steer toward the future when talking to others.
I’ve found this question can put people on the spot, though, and realized that learning about their past can be just as effective in developing my relationship with them.
The music, writings, shows and conversations we surround ourselves with can have a profound impact on how we act every day. Being able to recognize a “cultural toxin” can do wonders to keep us headed in the right direction!
It’s easy to get caught up hoping things will line up perfectly before we begin, but it’s in that thinking that the Perfect Trap sneaks up on us and ultimately keeps us in a holding pattern.
In goal setting, there are lots of possible routes to take. But when we flex the right muscles we make the most efficient progress possible.
I’m most excited about this video because it means I’m flexing the right muscles as it relates to verbalizing my dream!
When we start new habits with the goal of becoming more disciplined, people will typically respond in a few ways:
“Wow, you’re crazy! I could never do that…”
“I don’t know how you do that every day…”
“I don’t have enough self control to do that…”
What we do when we’re disciplined will seem counter cultural and people will think it a rare talent or gift. The truth is, we were the same way until we started this new routine…
Only paying for things with cash to stay on budget. Waking up at 5:00am to exercise. Not having dessert at dinner parties. Paying off a mortgage early.
Doing anything with dedicated consistency will cause people to notice. That’s how you know you’re on to something.
Sharing our dreams with people has the potential to create massive amounts of self-doubt.
There’s a fear of rejection, a fear of ridicule, a fear of having to actually start now that we know people will check in on our progress. It’s intimidating.
But our dreams are supposed to lift us up and give us something to hope for. Which makes it all the more sad that we tend to suppress our dreams for fear that they “may never come to fruition” or have a chance of “actually” happening. This is a crazy irony that won’t help us accomplish any dream — ever.
Yes – when you verbalize your dreams you’ll inevitably run into people that try to cast a negative light. But you’re also going to run into people that say, “Hey, I know this guy that can help you with that exact thing. Let me connect you two.” And that’s where the magic sauce starts to come together.
So what it is you want to start?
What do you want to accomplish?
Who do you want to impact?
You don’t have to have it all mapped out (it’s not going to go as planned, anyway), you just have to admit that that’s what you want to do.
Personally, my entrepreneurial dream is to be a public speaker. I want to share a message with people that living with greater self-discipline in our lives actually creates more freedom. The reason I started blogging was to help foster and streamline those thoughts and ideas. Now I have to turn it into a cohesive spoken message that I can share and then convince someone to let me speak to their group(!).
It’s intimidating. I’m not totally sure of what I’m doing. But it’s my dream and my passion, and the satisfaction of pursuing my dream outweighs the regret of sitting in complacency.
So really – what is it you want start, or change or accomplish? Verbalize it! I’d love to hear in the comments below.
We’re in debt.
We’re overweight.
We’re discontent.
Our relationships don’t last.
Yet the world continues to preach “do what you want when you want”; that the ultimate freedom is in living with a nearly reckless abandon.
But what if that’s not working for us? What if we decided to try the opposite?
We would have to think about why discipline matters and believe that freedom is actually found in living with greater self-control and self-discipline.
On the surface, this seems completely counter-intuitive: constrict or constrain what it is I do on a daily basis in order to do more?
Yes.
If we lived on a budget, we wouldn’t be in debt.
If we exercised and ate well, we’d be in better health.
If we stopped comparing what we have to what “everyone” on social media has, we’d realize we’re probably in pretty good shape.
If we kept our eyes focused on our marriages and families and made dedicated efforts to invest in those people, we would be more fulfilled than ever before.
These are the opportunities that discipline provides for us. This can be our world when we take time to sit down, set goals, have honest internal dialogue about what’s important to us and start taking responsibility for our actions.
2 Tim 1:7 tells us that “God gave us a spirit not of fear, but of power and love and self-control.” We were made to live with self-control. We can do this!
Is it easy? Absolutely not. Donuts are delicious (yet unhealthy). Last-minute outings with our friends are too good to pass up (and weren’t in the budget). But if our waist lines and our wallets become stretched by our normal decision making, we really ought to say “no”. But it takes discipline.
The truth is, deep down, we all know this stuff. The hard part is recognizing it, admitting it and doing something about it.
Discipline matters and makes all the difference.
One of the coolest things about our continual surge in technological advancements is the effect it has on starting your own business.
Two and half years ago, my wife knew she could make money as a hand letterer. With the purchase of a $300 computer and a 20 cent listing fee on Etsy, she had an e-commerce store all set up (enter Staples button saying “that was easy”).
Our grandparents couldn’t quite grasp how that was possible. Our parents were supportive, but definitely showed a little apprehension as to how it would all play out. Our friends thought it was awesome and were almost instantly jealous.
No, it didn’t turn into a full-time job overnight, but the fact of the matter is she was able to start it literally overnight.
That’s never been possible until now – and it’s awesome.
The key is to strip down the grandiose idea to its bare essentials and find out what it’ll take to start. Odds are good, you won’t have to lay too much cash out upfront. Handicapping yourself with debt to get the ball rolling is not an ideal situation.
So start simple. Make a few bucks. Do the same thing again. Make a few more bucks. Then begin to implement steps to build something bigger.
One characteristic that’s so often admired in society is humility – deflecting attention from ourselves and dispersing it to others. But what if, in that same act of humility, we’re also denying someone the opportunity to do something kind for us?
Deflecting Everything
Think about it; giving unexpected gifts or praise to someone isn’t a requirement in society (in fact, it can seem quite rare these days). So when someone approaches me and says “great job” or “thank you so much for your help” or they pick up my tab before I can pay, they’ve gone out of their way to lift me up.
If I respond to that person with “Oh, I thought I did terrible” or “No, don’t mention it” or refuse to let them pay, I’m in essence blowing off their compliment or gift and denying them the opportunity to do something kind for me.
It’s A Basic Need
One of Maslow’s five basic needs* is esteem. As humans, one way to increase self-esteem is to give and build others up. It feels good to do good for others. So when I deny someone the chance to share a gift or compliment with me, I’m basically denying them the chance to build their own esteem.
Instead, I have to work on a very simple response: looking them in the eye and saying, “Thank you, I really appreciate that.” Nothing more; nothing less. In this way, I’m fully accepting their compliment or gift and acknowledging the fact that they’ve done something nice for me. We both ultimately take something positive away from the experience.
(It’s also important to note that this doesn’t displace our ability to stay humble. Thanking someone and being appreciative doesn’t come across as showy or self-serving — you’re simply grateful.)
What do you think? Do you struggle with accepting gifts? When was a time you were able to give a gift and it made you feel awesome?
*I still contend he missed the one specifically about bacon, but will settle that at a later time.
For most people, thinking about cost-of-living expense ratios is about as fun as reliving their root canal. But when it comes to keeping yourself on budget each month, they’re one of those necessary evils that need to at least be understood.
One of the easy points of confusion that I want to discuss here is the difference between gross income and net income and how a variance in these two numbers can have a sizeable impact on what’s actually affordable each month.
The Basics
Gross income is what you make before taxes, social security, medicare and other withholdings. In the US, this equates to a median family income^ of $52,250 or $4,019 per month*.
Net income, on the other hand, is what your employer actually deposits into your bank account every other week — after taxes, social security, medicare, etc. have all been taken out. Considering the previously stated median income, this would put you the 25% tax bracket and give you roughly $39,188 per year or $3,014 per month*.
How does this difference effect cost-of-living expenses? Most significantly in our rent or mortgage payments.
A Tricky Numbers Game
In my experience, it’s standard practice that rental offices and mortgage lenders allow monthly rent/mortgage payments to equal up to 33% of your gross income. Using the median household income above, that means they’ll let you pay $1,326 each month. Unless you live in NYC or San Francisco, you should be able to find a pretty nice place with that, right?
The problem, though, is that $1,326 per month is equal to 44% of your net income a.k.a. the bacon you’re actually bringing home each month! And that’s a big chunk of your paycheck to have tied up in one expense. Here’s the math on it:
You can see in this image the difference in an “affordable” monthly payment when calculated on gross vs. net income is over $330. If you’re a single-income home, have kids, can’t seem to save for retirement or wish you could go on vacation more often…$320 a month can make a pretty big difference when planning your monthly budget.
Living Conservatively
If you’re currently in an apartment and feel like rent is getting a little too high, check this ratio for reference. It’s not easy to do, but it could be time to give up the prime location or the granite counter tops and stainless steel appliances to be able to have a little more cushion in the budget and put money toward savings.
If you’re looking to buy a home anytime soon, please take this ratio into consideration. I feel like the No-Fun Police when my wife shows me homes on Zillow and I have to agree that it’s an awesome house, but a little out of our price range given our currently saved down payment and affordable monthly (net income) payment.
And if you’re already a homeowner and feel like things are a bit more of a pinch than you thought they’d be, this could be one of the reasons why. If you plan on moving in the future, keep these numbers in mind (or see what you can do to raise your income enough to get your ratio back in your favor).
Remember: Just because a landlord or mortgage lender is willing to let you put a certain amount of your money in their hands each month doesn’t mean you have to (they’re so generous aren’t they?). We don’t have to spend 33% of our net income on our monthly payment. If fact, you could go super conservative and shoot for Dave Ramsey’s suggestion to stay at 25% because it frees your money up for so many different things.
A Tough Balance
Is keeping your monthly housing payment low an easy thing? Definitely not. My wife and I’s current rent takes up 29% of our budget (which I’m happy with) but we’re not obsessed with where we live. There’s not a lot of natural light, the kitchen is a little smaller than we’d like and we have two random pillars in our living room that I still haven’t figured out a functional purpose for…but the freedom that comes in other areas of our lives because we’re disciplined in our finances is well worth the “imperfect” temporary living space.
In my next post, we’ll look further into the long-term implications of various mortgage decisions (and I promise it’s good stuff worth sticking around for!). But until then, have you ever struggled to find the balance between finding a decent place to live and keeping your monthly payment in check? What trade offs did you have to make?
^http://www.deptofnumbers.com/income/us/
*Based on receiving 26 paychecks per year, assuming two pay checks per month and does not take into account the two months per year that you would receive three pay checks (which always feel like a bonus, don’t they?!)
